What I've Learned In Life

Today is my 41st birthday so I thought I would reflect upon things that my 41 years on this earth have taught me. On January, 8, 2010 at 7:45 AM I started this when I turned 37. At that time, my list contained the first 21 items. Today I added another 20.

1) Patience.

2) Independence.

3) The only one that is going to take care of ME is ME!

4) Stand up for myself.

5) Amanda helped teach me that it was ok to talk to strangers - LOL (she wouldn't always do it for me in life).

6) If I want it - better work hard to get it.

7) There is no greater joy than the relationships in my life (family, friends, strangers, etc.) because they provide something intangible.

8) How to be successful at leading (although I can't always articulate this).

9) All intimate relationships require 2 people's efforts.

10) Marriages/Long term commitments require both a sexual attraction and a friendship (or level of compatibility) for success.

11) To be open minded and non judgmental.

12) It's a lot of fun being a grand parent.

13) How to say I'm sorry & when to do it.

14) Treat others like I want to be treated.

15) I can choose to view life as a glass "half full" or a glass "half empty" and I choose "half full" - make the most of EVERY situation, bad or good.

16) Things happen for a reason - examine it and view different perspectives, what does each event tell me about myself?

17) Faith - everyone should have some sort of faith because your trust and belief in the unknown will provide a roadmap for life and help you thru many trials.

18) The 'significant other' you choose should have same/similar views on moral/ethical issues and parenting (if you plan to have children) for success.

19) Lead by example - someone is always watching you and your actions speak louder than your words.

20) Life can end at any moment - you should always be prepared because when that moment arrives you won't get second chances.

21) View things from the other person's shoes - look at their perspective, sometimes they are giving 150% of what they are capable of and just because it's not the same as yours - doesn't mean it's wrong.

22) God gives us free will and I need to remember that.

23) I need to have realistic expectations.

24) Life is about choices.

25) My pet peeves are IRRESPONSIBILITY and LYING. I would always rather you tell me the truth NO MATTER how bad it is than to lie to me.

26) I'm a free spirit.

27) I despise being controlled. This is much different than me choosing to follow rules or adhering. With control, I have no choice - my freedom has been removed.

28) Persistence. Don't give up! Of course, this requires balance with number 23.

29) It could ALWAYS be worse (this relates to number 15) and sometimes you need to look at the worst case scenario to keep things in perspective and to appreciate the positive of the situation.

30) I've learned not to worry about what others think of me. This should not be confused with your reputation and you should use your integrity to help guide you with this.

31) I love animals and nature.

32) I believe life is a 'zig zag' in the big picture.

33) We can learn a lot from those that are older and younger than us. Our elders teach us wisdom and the younger generation keeps us current. Embrace both.

34) We are a sum of environment, genetics, and life experiences.

35) I am very intuitive and I should listen to that 'little voice inside' because it is almost always right.

36) You don't have a soul, you are a soul, you have a body.

37) Laughter truly is some of the best medicine.

38) None of us are perfect, we all have faults because we are human. It is how we deal with those that count.

39) Sometimes you have to let go and live in the moment.

40) Even if you don't like someone, you can probably learn something from this. If nothing else, you learn what you don't like.

41) Enjoy and savor the little things in life because they may become big things at some point.

Survivors Finally Meet In Person (They Were Strangers on September 11, 2001)

On September 11, 2001, we were complete strangers but our paths crossed in a twist of fate. Michael Hingson and his guide dog, Roselle, had an inspirational impact on me that day. While I was overwhelmed at the events that day, I distinctly remember Michael in the stairwell (http://www.survivorsnet.org/programs/writing/story2.html) and was very happy to finally meet him in person. We have corresponded electronically over the years but in August, he was the guest speaker at the Annual Awards Luncheon for The Whole Person. It was a pleasure to spend some quiet time with him and with his new dog, Africa and compare our experiences. If you haven't had the opportunity to check out his book, Thunder Dog, I would encourage you to do so. He is an incredibly inspirational individual.

Final Conversation Between Michael Cantatore & Gregory Reda On September 11, 2001

I wanted to share the final conversation one of my fellow WTCSN members had with his brother on September 11, 2001. This is from his facebook post on September 11, 2013. In the timeline of events, this was transpiring while I was trying to escape the same tower that Greg was in. During this exchange, I am in the stairwell and Greg is stuck at the top of the North Tower (World Trade Center) on the 95th floor.

Copied from Michael Cantatore's Facebook Page:

Please remember the events of September 11, 2001. Michael Cantatore feeling depressed at World Trade Center Site September 11, 2001 · New York, NY What does 9/11 mean to me? Here's part of it, my version of the 9/11 timeline. My last conversation with my best friend and brother Gregory Reda, via our work Blackberry pagers. Please read with discretion.

8:51 GREG: Where are you?
8:52 ME: I'm home. Where are you? Call me asap.
8:55 GREG: Can't call. Big prob at wtc. Stuck on 95 with 6 others. Stuck in my corner. Call wtc security pls. Let them know. 8:55 ME: Hang in there. Will call.
9:01 GREG: Still ok. Fire on floor. Can't get off.
9:01 ME: Talk to me. Where are you? Are you ok?The other building has jest been hit.
9:09 ME: Where are you?
9:09 ME: Who is with you?
9:10 GREG: Lourdes cube. Approximately 12 other people. Safe but fire in core but safe.
9:10 ME: I assume all power is out??
9:12 GREG: Boris alva ken jack yuen carlos ken astrid janet Mike waye alex and ?
9:12 GREG: Yes
9:13 ME: Are you getting cell service?
9:15 GREG: No cell
9:15 ME: Has anyone tried the stairs? Is smoke getting in? They have(nt) confirmed it but this has got to be terrorists attacking the buildings with planes.
9:19 GREG: Fire in core.
9:22 ME: IS the floor smokey? Can u gather fire extinguishers?
9:25 GREG: Very smokey. Broke windows. Can't get to core. Both hallways blocked. Stuck in corner. Call Nicole. Tell her am ok for now. Love her. Pray.
9:30 ME: Did it hit your floor or under you?
9:32 GREG: ?
9:32 ME: A plane slammed into our building then a second slammed into wtc2 18 minutes later.
9:45 ME: What's going on? 9:52 ME: Where are you? Page me ASAP 9:55 GREG: Getting worse. Smoke and fire. Get someone pls. 9:55 ME: Bud, there is no way anyone is getting up there. Any time soon. Are you ok? We jus saw 2 go down.
10:03 GREG: Fie here Love yous
10:03 ME: We love you too. Keep talking to me! Tell me what you want nicole to know. Consider making a run for it if you can. *This message was marked as delivered. My next message, sent about two minutes later came back as not delivered.

The 12th Anniversary

12 years ago today, I experienced the beauty and destruction of humanity, while witnessing history. I also learned many things, some of which I'm sure I have yet to discover or discern. I learned what it is like to stand in line to die. I learned what motivates me to get out of bed every morning. I learned what true faith & spirituality are. I learned about unconditional love and lasting friendship. I learned about how thankful I am for the individuals that go to work daily to make me feel safe. I learned that the world is not always a nice place. I learned that I can be hated by a total stranger for reasons I'll never understand. I learned that you always have a choice about whether you view things in a positive manner or a negative one. I learned that if you allow hatred to consume you, it will. I learned that nobility doesn't really matter. I learned that what you are taught as a small child NEVER really leaves you. I learned that even though you might feel all alone, you never really are totally alone. I learned that in your darkest hour, you can find inspiration. I learned that in the midst of the darkness, you can find the light. I learned the light WILL be there so keep searching. I learned the true definition of altruistic and benevolent. I learned to appreciate my body, imperfections and all. I learned to appreciate the fact that I was born in the United States of America. I learned to be even more patient. I learned to trust my instincts. I learned to play the hand that I am dealt in life to the very best of my ability. I learned if I think I'm going to die, I will gladly drink from a stranger's cup. I sent a note to my grown step children this morning telling them that I am so glad I didn't succumb to weakness and my desire to sit down because I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be involved in their lives and to know them. We take for granted our mortality. As a U.S. citizen, I know I take for granted the rights and freedoms (no matter what I might think of politics) that my forefathers fought so hard for. I'm positive that if I would have been born geographically in another part of the world I would likely not be alive now. I'm pretty sure that I would have been beheaded or stoned to death because of my strong willed, independent, free-spirited soul. Each anniversary brings more insight and wisdom for me albeit not my preferred method of education.

Approaching the 12th Anniversary of September 11, 2001

As we approach another anniversary of the 9/11/01 attacks, I reflect upon the changes in the last 12 years.  There have been many both personally, professionally, globally and within our society.  My daughter turned 16 this year, I turned 40, and my husband will turn 50 - all milestone birthdays.  I'm sure the next few days will bring much more than just reflection.  Brian is having surgery tomorrow (wasn't a date we'd particularly have requested but have to go with it) so that will be able to keep me preoccupied.

Last year presented me with many physical obstacles and I was very thankful to start 2013 and put 2012 behind me.  2013 has been much better health wise!

At this time of year there are many things being done in an effort to get others to Remember September 11th, 2001 and for some of us - there is no way in the world we could possibly forget it.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't remember it.  While I couldn't possibly articulate the horrors from that day (and I try to not focus on them), I am able to do a better job of articulating the positive things and the beauty that have arisen out of the devastation.  

Last month, I had the opportunity to meet Mr. Michael Hingson in person.  He was another survivor from the north tower (a complete stranger) that inspired me to keep going that day.  When the Kansas City Star interviewed me after I finally made it back to Kanas City that week, I recalled the blind man (http://www.survivorsnet.org/programs/writing/story2.html) and his guide dog from the stairwell.  Roselle has since passed on but I met Michael's new guide dog, Africa and got to discuss our experiences in person, something I've never been able to do with another survivor from the same tower over the last 12 years.  It was a beautiful, emotionally tangible time.

I was once interviewed by one of my young relatives and asked to summarize my experience that day into a single sentence.  What a tough request.  However, my response was, "I got to experience the beauty and destruction of humanity, while witnessing history, all in the same day."

I'm sure that I will be posting more on Facebook or blogging over the next few days...

https://www.facebook.com/pages/91101-Survivor-Artist-Shannon-McMahon-Beavers-Loy

https://www.facebook.com/shannon.loy

Surviving the Holidays

We've made it through Thanksgiving, Alecia's birthday and Brian's birthday, and Christmas.  We still have New Year's and my birthday to go.  I realized the last few weeks have been the usual December whirlwind.  My work is insane this time of year so it makes life tough to juggle everything.  In addition, there is always just tons of stuff going on.

I realized that I haven't been on Facebook in awhile which isn't necessarily a bad thing except that I read lots of positive, affirmative, inspirational things from the pages I subscribe to and they really help keep me going.  When I haven't done that for awhile, I find that I start struggling myself.  It was nice to see the grown kids for the holidays and my grandchildren.  It always makes me wonder where the time has gone.  Trying to keep up with busy schedules when there are lots of different people that you need to share a limited amount of time with can be somewhat overwhelming.

I finally got my abdominal wound healed just before the kids arrived in town mid December so I'm finished with my weekly trips to the wound clinic.  My body is still adjusting to my new digestive system and hope to soon resume a decent diet.  I've lost 25 lbs this year after all of my surgeries and healing which is a ray of sunshine in the midst of craziness.

We had to put our other dog to sleep just before Christmas which was pretty tough.  He was another rescue that we'd gotten when we had to tell Roody goodbye last February.  He kept having chronic ear infections and some really bad aggressive tendencies.  In all of our years of having dogs, neither Brian nor I had experienced a dog that would attack and bite us but then be loving other times.  It was truly like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  You never really knew what he was going to do which meant that it was impossible to have him around anyone else.  I'm proud of Brian for making that tough decision, because it was a tough one to make.  Luckily, with the guidance of our vet, he explained that it was the most humane thing to do.  There is a part of both Brian and I that can't help but feel as though we failed.

We did decide to get another basset because we really like the breed.  We ended up choosing a female puppy.  We usually prefer rescue dogs but I didn't find any locally but did find someone with puppies (I'd spoke to him last February before we settled on Baron).  So we've added Gabriel to our family.  She is absolutely adorable.  She is a lot of work though.  It's like having a toddler around.  She loves to cuddle which is something we missed after Roody was gone because Baron wasn't much of a cuddle type of dog.

All of our big kids have left Kansas City and returned to their homes in Chicago and Seattle.  I had the chance to take Lacey and Nate to Kaleidoscope (at Hallmark in Crown Center) while they were in town and that was a lot of fun.  My mother-in-law and father-in-law will be leaving to go back to Florida tomorrow.

I took Catie to the back specialist on Friday for a follow up.  The news was bittersweet.  Bad news is that her L5 Pars fracture is about as healed as it will get and there is no evidence of a slipped disc.  Good news is - her pain is much better than it was previously and really seemed to worsen as the weather got colder.  We don't have to return until next December unless there are problems.

Santa brought me a new camera which I'm so excited to use.  I had a chance to use it a bit while all of our guests were in town and I look forward to using it for some 'fun' things.  Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I am looking forward to ringing in 2013 with lots of positive things!

Parenting

I often say that parenting doesn't come with a manual.  When you leave the hospital, they make sure your car seat is legal and the newborn is properly strapped in but no one hands you a thick instruction manual explaining what is ahead of you.

Your newborn is totally dependent upon you.  They sleep most of the time and the rest is spent eating, crying, or peeing & pooping.  They grow quickly and change rapidly, eagerly learning about the world around them.  Before you know it they are a toddler.

When they reach the toddler years they are really in education overdrive.  Everything is a new experience.  Whatever they touch goes into their mouth and they experience impulsive behavior and lots of temper tantrums.  Personally, I really enjoyed the ages of 18 months to 2+ years but most call them the terrible twos.  You have to be energetic to keep up with them at this age.  Before long, they are learning about autonomy and their sense of self.  They want to assert their independence and every small task can be battle of wills.  As a parent, you have to quickly learn to pick your battles.

Next comes preschool and kindergarten where they are introduced to social situations and other children that differ from them.  As they grow, they learn to read and do math.  They will ask lots of questions and sometimes they are tough ones.  Sometimes you don't know the answer (this is really when that manual could come in handy) and have to think strategically before you reply.

Your child grows and their personality continues to develop.  You begin to see the characteristics of their personality emerge.  Before you know it you're knee deep in birthday parties, sleep overs, sports, scouting, friends, social activities, and the list goes on.  You learn to be a mediator and learn to navigate how to teach your child about the world.  They are transforming before your very eyes.

One day you wake up and realize your child is becoming a teenager (usually referred to as a tween) and depending on the world around them and the generation, this takes on a different meaning.  From my experience, this typically comes quicker with girls than it does with boys.  One day your having a tea party with her or playing barbie dolls and the next day she's worried about clothes, makeup and her hair.  For boys, the transition is typically a little slower and their body starts to change (puberty) before they realize what is going on.  Then comes the struggle of teaching them about personal hygiene and discussions that you've always dreaded about the birds and the bees.  This will undoubtedly bring more  questions that you're not sure how to answer and wish you had that manual.

Before long, you find yourself in the drama of middle school and then high school.  That baby that you brought home from the hospital without a manual is transforming into an adult and you pray that you've done all of the right things.  Your teen learns to drive (another scary adventure), starts dating, contends with social pressures and you are now responsible to offer guidance and hope that you've laid a good foundation.  There will be lots of long discussions and you'll realize your child is now an individual with their own thoughts, ideas, etc. and they are test-driving them on you!  This stage can be a balancing act.  In a span of 5 minutes that teen can hate you and then love and need you.  Buckle up because it is going to be a wild ride.  You'll help them make decisions about their future (college, etc.) and hopefully watch them graduate from high school.

Now your child is an adult.  Parenting an adult child is different than parenting a newborn, baby, toddler, adolescent, tween, or teenager.  They are now responsible for themselves and their own decisions.  Hopefully by this time you've paved the road to a good relationship, one where they can call you in times of need or when they want someone to listen.  Sometimes it is a late night phone call for guidance or advice that you'll receive but whatever it is, you'll discover the evolution your relationship has taken.