The 12th Anniversary

12 years ago today, I experienced the beauty and destruction of humanity, while witnessing history. I also learned many things, some of which I'm sure I have yet to discover or discern. I learned what it is like to stand in line to die. I learned what motivates me to get out of bed every morning. I learned what true faith & spirituality are. I learned about unconditional love and lasting friendship. I learned about how thankful I am for the individuals that go to work daily to make me feel safe. I learned that the world is not always a nice place. I learned that I can be hated by a total stranger for reasons I'll never understand. I learned that you always have a choice about whether you view things in a positive manner or a negative one. I learned that if you allow hatred to consume you, it will. I learned that nobility doesn't really matter. I learned that what you are taught as a small child NEVER really leaves you. I learned that even though you might feel all alone, you never really are totally alone. I learned that in your darkest hour, you can find inspiration. I learned that in the midst of the darkness, you can find the light. I learned the light WILL be there so keep searching. I learned the true definition of altruistic and benevolent. I learned to appreciate my body, imperfections and all. I learned to appreciate the fact that I was born in the United States of America. I learned to be even more patient. I learned to trust my instincts. I learned to play the hand that I am dealt in life to the very best of my ability. I learned if I think I'm going to die, I will gladly drink from a stranger's cup. I sent a note to my grown step children this morning telling them that I am so glad I didn't succumb to weakness and my desire to sit down because I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be involved in their lives and to know them. We take for granted our mortality. As a U.S. citizen, I know I take for granted the rights and freedoms (no matter what I might think of politics) that my forefathers fought so hard for. I'm positive that if I would have been born geographically in another part of the world I would likely not be alive now. I'm pretty sure that I would have been beheaded or stoned to death because of my strong willed, independent, free-spirited soul. Each anniversary brings more insight and wisdom for me albeit not my preferred method of education.

My Faith Is Strongest When I Am Weakest

I recently calculated that the countdown until my 40th birthday.  As of today, there are 82 days.  I was thinking about the drastic physical issues I've dealt with in the last 6 months and hoping that after 2 major abdominal surgeries I will physically be feeling better than I have in years by the time I reach this milestone.  

Recently, while I was contemplating my latest surgery, I recalled one of my favorite bible passages.  I remember hearing the sermon from Pastor Jerls in 1994 in which he discussed this passage.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

King James Version (KJV)

⁹ And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

¹¹ I am become a fool in glorying; ye have compelled me: for I ought to have been commended of you: for in nothing am I behind the very chiefest apostles, though I be nothing.

I recently wondered if it is any type of coincidence that this passage contains verses 9-11?  Of course, it isn't the biblical passage I called upon during my time of weakness on September 11, 2001 (Psalm 23:4 was the one I quietly recited to myself that day) but I can't help but wonder about the irony.

It is true, in the times of my greatest weaknesses, it is at those times that my faith is always the strongest.