Survivors Finally Meet In Person (They Were Strangers on September 11, 2001)

On September 11, 2001, we were complete strangers but our paths crossed in a twist of fate. Michael Hingson and his guide dog, Roselle, had an inspirational impact on me that day. While I was overwhelmed at the events that day, I distinctly remember Michael in the stairwell (http://www.survivorsnet.org/programs/writing/story2.html) and was very happy to finally meet him in person. We have corresponded electronically over the years but in August, he was the guest speaker at the Annual Awards Luncheon for The Whole Person. It was a pleasure to spend some quiet time with him and with his new dog, Africa and compare our experiences. If you haven't had the opportunity to check out his book, Thunder Dog, I would encourage you to do so. He is an incredibly inspirational individual.

Final Conversation Between Michael Cantatore & Gregory Reda On September 11, 2001

I wanted to share the final conversation one of my fellow WTCSN members had with his brother on September 11, 2001. This is from his facebook post on September 11, 2013. In the timeline of events, this was transpiring while I was trying to escape the same tower that Greg was in. During this exchange, I am in the stairwell and Greg is stuck at the top of the North Tower (World Trade Center) on the 95th floor.

Copied from Michael Cantatore's Facebook Page:

Please remember the events of September 11, 2001. Michael Cantatore feeling depressed at World Trade Center Site September 11, 2001 · New York, NY What does 9/11 mean to me? Here's part of it, my version of the 9/11 timeline. My last conversation with my best friend and brother Gregory Reda, via our work Blackberry pagers. Please read with discretion.

8:51 GREG: Where are you?
8:52 ME: I'm home. Where are you? Call me asap.
8:55 GREG: Can't call. Big prob at wtc. Stuck on 95 with 6 others. Stuck in my corner. Call wtc security pls. Let them know. 8:55 ME: Hang in there. Will call.
9:01 GREG: Still ok. Fire on floor. Can't get off.
9:01 ME: Talk to me. Where are you? Are you ok?The other building has jest been hit.
9:09 ME: Where are you?
9:09 ME: Who is with you?
9:10 GREG: Lourdes cube. Approximately 12 other people. Safe but fire in core but safe.
9:10 ME: I assume all power is out??
9:12 GREG: Boris alva ken jack yuen carlos ken astrid janet Mike waye alex and ?
9:12 GREG: Yes
9:13 ME: Are you getting cell service?
9:15 GREG: No cell
9:15 ME: Has anyone tried the stairs? Is smoke getting in? They have(nt) confirmed it but this has got to be terrorists attacking the buildings with planes.
9:19 GREG: Fire in core.
9:22 ME: IS the floor smokey? Can u gather fire extinguishers?
9:25 GREG: Very smokey. Broke windows. Can't get to core. Both hallways blocked. Stuck in corner. Call Nicole. Tell her am ok for now. Love her. Pray.
9:30 ME: Did it hit your floor or under you?
9:32 GREG: ?
9:32 ME: A plane slammed into our building then a second slammed into wtc2 18 minutes later.
9:45 ME: What's going on? 9:52 ME: Where are you? Page me ASAP 9:55 GREG: Getting worse. Smoke and fire. Get someone pls. 9:55 ME: Bud, there is no way anyone is getting up there. Any time soon. Are you ok? We jus saw 2 go down.
10:03 GREG: Fie here Love yous
10:03 ME: We love you too. Keep talking to me! Tell me what you want nicole to know. Consider making a run for it if you can. *This message was marked as delivered. My next message, sent about two minutes later came back as not delivered.

The 12th Anniversary

12 years ago today, I experienced the beauty and destruction of humanity, while witnessing history. I also learned many things, some of which I'm sure I have yet to discover or discern. I learned what it is like to stand in line to die. I learned what motivates me to get out of bed every morning. I learned what true faith & spirituality are. I learned about unconditional love and lasting friendship. I learned about how thankful I am for the individuals that go to work daily to make me feel safe. I learned that the world is not always a nice place. I learned that I can be hated by a total stranger for reasons I'll never understand. I learned that you always have a choice about whether you view things in a positive manner or a negative one. I learned that if you allow hatred to consume you, it will. I learned that nobility doesn't really matter. I learned that what you are taught as a small child NEVER really leaves you. I learned that even though you might feel all alone, you never really are totally alone. I learned that in your darkest hour, you can find inspiration. I learned that in the midst of the darkness, you can find the light. I learned the light WILL be there so keep searching. I learned the true definition of altruistic and benevolent. I learned to appreciate my body, imperfections and all. I learned to appreciate the fact that I was born in the United States of America. I learned to be even more patient. I learned to trust my instincts. I learned to play the hand that I am dealt in life to the very best of my ability. I learned if I think I'm going to die, I will gladly drink from a stranger's cup. I sent a note to my grown step children this morning telling them that I am so glad I didn't succumb to weakness and my desire to sit down because I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be involved in their lives and to know them. We take for granted our mortality. As a U.S. citizen, I know I take for granted the rights and freedoms (no matter what I might think of politics) that my forefathers fought so hard for. I'm positive that if I would have been born geographically in another part of the world I would likely not be alive now. I'm pretty sure that I would have been beheaded or stoned to death because of my strong willed, independent, free-spirited soul. Each anniversary brings more insight and wisdom for me albeit not my preferred method of education.

Approaching the 12th Anniversary of September 11, 2001

As we approach another anniversary of the 9/11/01 attacks, I reflect upon the changes in the last 12 years.  There have been many both personally, professionally, globally and within our society.  My daughter turned 16 this year, I turned 40, and my husband will turn 50 - all milestone birthdays.  I'm sure the next few days will bring much more than just reflection.  Brian is having surgery tomorrow (wasn't a date we'd particularly have requested but have to go with it) so that will be able to keep me preoccupied.

Last year presented me with many physical obstacles and I was very thankful to start 2013 and put 2012 behind me.  2013 has been much better health wise!

At this time of year there are many things being done in an effort to get others to Remember September 11th, 2001 and for some of us - there is no way in the world we could possibly forget it.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't remember it.  While I couldn't possibly articulate the horrors from that day (and I try to not focus on them), I am able to do a better job of articulating the positive things and the beauty that have arisen out of the devastation.  

Last month, I had the opportunity to meet Mr. Michael Hingson in person.  He was another survivor from the north tower (a complete stranger) that inspired me to keep going that day.  When the Kansas City Star interviewed me after I finally made it back to Kanas City that week, I recalled the blind man (http://www.survivorsnet.org/programs/writing/story2.html) and his guide dog from the stairwell.  Roselle has since passed on but I met Michael's new guide dog, Africa and got to discuss our experiences in person, something I've never been able to do with another survivor from the same tower over the last 12 years.  It was a beautiful, emotionally tangible time.

I was once interviewed by one of my young relatives and asked to summarize my experience that day into a single sentence.  What a tough request.  However, my response was, "I got to experience the beauty and destruction of humanity, while witnessing history, all in the same day."

I'm sure that I will be posting more on Facebook or blogging over the next few days...

https://www.facebook.com/pages/91101-Survivor-Artist-Shannon-McMahon-Beavers-Loy

https://www.facebook.com/shannon.loy

Surviving the Holidays

We've made it through Thanksgiving, Alecia's birthday and Brian's birthday, and Christmas.  We still have New Year's and my birthday to go.  I realized the last few weeks have been the usual December whirlwind.  My work is insane this time of year so it makes life tough to juggle everything.  In addition, there is always just tons of stuff going on.

I realized that I haven't been on Facebook in awhile which isn't necessarily a bad thing except that I read lots of positive, affirmative, inspirational things from the pages I subscribe to and they really help keep me going.  When I haven't done that for awhile, I find that I start struggling myself.  It was nice to see the grown kids for the holidays and my grandchildren.  It always makes me wonder where the time has gone.  Trying to keep up with busy schedules when there are lots of different people that you need to share a limited amount of time with can be somewhat overwhelming.

I finally got my abdominal wound healed just before the kids arrived in town mid December so I'm finished with my weekly trips to the wound clinic.  My body is still adjusting to my new digestive system and hope to soon resume a decent diet.  I've lost 25 lbs this year after all of my surgeries and healing which is a ray of sunshine in the midst of craziness.

We had to put our other dog to sleep just before Christmas which was pretty tough.  He was another rescue that we'd gotten when we had to tell Roody goodbye last February.  He kept having chronic ear infections and some really bad aggressive tendencies.  In all of our years of having dogs, neither Brian nor I had experienced a dog that would attack and bite us but then be loving other times.  It was truly like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  You never really knew what he was going to do which meant that it was impossible to have him around anyone else.  I'm proud of Brian for making that tough decision, because it was a tough one to make.  Luckily, with the guidance of our vet, he explained that it was the most humane thing to do.  There is a part of both Brian and I that can't help but feel as though we failed.

We did decide to get another basset because we really like the breed.  We ended up choosing a female puppy.  We usually prefer rescue dogs but I didn't find any locally but did find someone with puppies (I'd spoke to him last February before we settled on Baron).  So we've added Gabriel to our family.  She is absolutely adorable.  She is a lot of work though.  It's like having a toddler around.  She loves to cuddle which is something we missed after Roody was gone because Baron wasn't much of a cuddle type of dog.

All of our big kids have left Kansas City and returned to their homes in Chicago and Seattle.  I had the chance to take Lacey and Nate to Kaleidoscope (at Hallmark in Crown Center) while they were in town and that was a lot of fun.  My mother-in-law and father-in-law will be leaving to go back to Florida tomorrow.

I took Catie to the back specialist on Friday for a follow up.  The news was bittersweet.  Bad news is that her L5 Pars fracture is about as healed as it will get and there is no evidence of a slipped disc.  Good news is - her pain is much better than it was previously and really seemed to worsen as the weather got colder.  We don't have to return until next December unless there are problems.

Santa brought me a new camera which I'm so excited to use.  I had a chance to use it a bit while all of our guests were in town and I look forward to using it for some 'fun' things.  Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I am looking forward to ringing in 2013 with lots of positive things!

Parenting

I often say that parenting doesn't come with a manual.  When you leave the hospital, they make sure your car seat is legal and the newborn is properly strapped in but no one hands you a thick instruction manual explaining what is ahead of you.

Your newborn is totally dependent upon you.  They sleep most of the time and the rest is spent eating, crying, or peeing & pooping.  They grow quickly and change rapidly, eagerly learning about the world around them.  Before you know it they are a toddler.

When they reach the toddler years they are really in education overdrive.  Everything is a new experience.  Whatever they touch goes into their mouth and they experience impulsive behavior and lots of temper tantrums.  Personally, I really enjoyed the ages of 18 months to 2+ years but most call them the terrible twos.  You have to be energetic to keep up with them at this age.  Before long, they are learning about autonomy and their sense of self.  They want to assert their independence and every small task can be battle of wills.  As a parent, you have to quickly learn to pick your battles.

Next comes preschool and kindergarten where they are introduced to social situations and other children that differ from them.  As they grow, they learn to read and do math.  They will ask lots of questions and sometimes they are tough ones.  Sometimes you don't know the answer (this is really when that manual could come in handy) and have to think strategically before you reply.

Your child grows and their personality continues to develop.  You begin to see the characteristics of their personality emerge.  Before you know it you're knee deep in birthday parties, sleep overs, sports, scouting, friends, social activities, and the list goes on.  You learn to be a mediator and learn to navigate how to teach your child about the world.  They are transforming before your very eyes.

One day you wake up and realize your child is becoming a teenager (usually referred to as a tween) and depending on the world around them and the generation, this takes on a different meaning.  From my experience, this typically comes quicker with girls than it does with boys.  One day your having a tea party with her or playing barbie dolls and the next day she's worried about clothes, makeup and her hair.  For boys, the transition is typically a little slower and their body starts to change (puberty) before they realize what is going on.  Then comes the struggle of teaching them about personal hygiene and discussions that you've always dreaded about the birds and the bees.  This will undoubtedly bring more  questions that you're not sure how to answer and wish you had that manual.

Before long, you find yourself in the drama of middle school and then high school.  That baby that you brought home from the hospital without a manual is transforming into an adult and you pray that you've done all of the right things.  Your teen learns to drive (another scary adventure), starts dating, contends with social pressures and you are now responsible to offer guidance and hope that you've laid a good foundation.  There will be lots of long discussions and you'll realize your child is now an individual with their own thoughts, ideas, etc. and they are test-driving them on you!  This stage can be a balancing act.  In a span of 5 minutes that teen can hate you and then love and need you.  Buckle up because it is going to be a wild ride.  You'll help them make decisions about their future (college, etc.) and hopefully watch them graduate from high school.

Now your child is an adult.  Parenting an adult child is different than parenting a newborn, baby, toddler, adolescent, tween, or teenager.  They are now responsible for themselves and their own decisions.  Hopefully by this time you've paved the road to a good relationship, one where they can call you in times of need or when they want someone to listen.  Sometimes it is a late night phone call for guidance or advice that you'll receive but whatever it is, you'll discover the evolution your relationship has taken.

The 30 Days of Thanksgiving

On Facebook several of the posts are for something that many are participating in called the 30 Days of Thanksgiving.  I was a little late to get started but plan to keep a complete list of mine.  I think it is a great idea and definitely a positive daily affirmation that will improve one's optimistic vantage point in life.

November 1, 2012 - Day 1:  I'm thankful my surgery went well.

November 2, 2012 - Day 2:  I'm thankful that all of my friends and loved ones on the NE coast are safe from Hurricane Sandy.

November 3, 2012 - Day 3:  I'm thankful for my husband's assistance with my surgical wound.

November 4, 2012 - Day 4:  I'm thankful that I enjoy the beauty of the Autumn leaves.

November 5, 2012 - Day 5:  I'm thankful for my doggies.

November 6, 2012 - Day 6:  I'm thankful I was born in America and I can exercise my right to vote!

November 7, 2012 - Day 7:  I'm thankful the election is finally OVER!

November 8, 2012 - Day 8:  I'm thankful for my new brother-in-law, Jamie Rasberry.

November 9, 2012 - Day 9:  I'm eternally grateful to everyone that helped save my life and get home safely from New York City on Tuesday, September 11, 2001.  There is no greater love than what I experienced at that time from friends, family and strangers.  That love outweighs anything the terrorists were trying to accomplish!

November 10, 2012 - Day 10:  I'm thankful for the hidden opportunities that God gives me to help others.  They are usually problems in disguise and I'm glad that I have the opportunity to help out when someone is going through them.

November 11, 2012 - Day 11:  I'm thankful for all of the brave men and women that fight (and have fought) for my freedom.  I'm thankful for their friends and family and the support that it requires from them as well.  Happy Veteran's Day!

November 12, 2012 - Day 12:  I'm thankful that God blessed me with the opportunity to be a mother & parent.  I have 4 wonderful children (Casey, Kevan, Alecia, and Catie) and I'm grateful God trusted me to be a part of their lives.

November 13, 2012 - Day 13:  I'm thankful for all of my friends but today I'm especially thankful for our friend Carl.  He's been such a great friend to my husband for many years (and partner in crime as he says).  At his mother's visitation last night, he stood so stoic (as usual) next to her casket greeting visitors (friends & family).  He had lovingly cared for her until she left this earth.  At the funeral home, my daughter said, "He's a really good actor.  I could never do that.  I can see in his face that he wants to cry."  My husband replied to her, "Carl has always had the ability to rise to the occasion no matter what it is.  That is just who he is."

Carl ~ you are a great friend, one with deep rooted family values, good morals and ethics.  You are a wonderful role model to younger generations.  I know you don't use FB or social media so you'll never see this (nor would you want to hear it) but thank you for being YOU!

November 14, 2012 - Day 14:  I'm thankful for simplicity today!  After spending hours dealing with complex things,  I'm thankful for the simple things in life!

November 15, 2012 - Day 15:  I'm thankful for my husband's gift to summarize confusing topics (historical issues, politics, etc.) for me.

November 16, 2012 - Day 16:  I'm thankful for my creative and artistic abilities.  My creative side has always been an escape for me, my vice in life.  It is a way for me to decompress, relax, express myself, share my thoughts and views, and share something special with others.  From photography to drawing & painting, from sewing & crafting to needlework - I am thankful for my ability to have something inside of me that I can immediately call upon to provide me with calmness, solace and peace when needed.

November 17, 2012 - Day 17:  I'm thankful that I went on that first date with my husband 12 years ago!

November 18, 2012 - Day 18:  I'm thankful that my wound appears to finally be on the mends!

November 19, 2012 - Day 19:  I'm thankful for laughter and a sense of humor.  There are days when it is the best medicine in the world for me.

November 20, 2012 - Day 20:  I'm thankful that Catie finally got her braces off!  All the trips to the orthodontist & pain has paid off for a beautiful smile.  33 months well spent.

November 21, 2012 - Day 21:  I'm thankful that I've been able to return to work this week [and survive] so my fellow co-workers (mgmt) will be able to take an additional day off (Black Friday) so they can spend time with their friends & families!  They have been super about helping me out and I'm so thankful that I can be there to cover for them by returning the favor & expressing my gratitude for their support.

November 22, 2012 - Day 22:  (Thanksgiving Day) I'm thankful for all of the LOVE in my life!  Last night I talked with Catie about some that are not as fortunate to have the love that we have (from friends, family & even strangers) and I'm very grateful that we have lots of it!  Happy Thanksgiving to each of you.  I hope that you get to wrap yourself in love, happiness and good feelings today!

November 23, 2012 - Day 23:  I'm thankful that it is the last day of a short work week!

November 24, 2012 - Day 24:  I'm thankful for family (all forms of it)!